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Main Page The great Gospel of John Volume 4 GGJ04-172 Chapter

Chapter 172 - Gaby admits his ignorance and vanity.

172,1. Gabi stands up, bows low and then says in a very unsteady voice, which even made the otherwise very serious Romans smile a little: “Lord and Master! I never have looked for fame as that was never my ambition. I am therefore not aiming for glory here and I have never done so throughout my whole life until now. Because of this, I do not wish to seek the limelight and I would rather say nothing and keep quiet! I have now already finished my speech!”

172,2. Simon says impulsively: “Oho! What is this then? You have usually liked to chatter, have always wanted to be the main speaker and have never declined the opportunity to enjoy a little fame?! Remarkable!”

172,3. Gabi says: “What I do, I do, and you do not need to concern yourself! It is easy to speak out among ordinary people; but here God and His angels are present, and this means that no excessively loud human voice should intrude. We should remain silent, modest and humble! My name is Gabi, the quiet one; not Simon the cheeky one!”

172,4. Cyrenius says, smiling: “Aha, hinc iliae lacrimae (Hence those tears)! Look here, the young man is not looking for fame but he seems to be quite indignant, My Lord, because his companion Simon earned Your approval with his explanation of the Song of Songs! I really do not find this acceptable at all coming from Gabi”

172,5. Even Jarah says: “I do not like this either! I am always very joyful when I see that the Lord’s love and mercy has miraculously begun to reveal itself within someone’s soul but submissive cringing is offensive to me. Anyone asked to speak by the Lord who declines out of false modesty, saying that he does not need the glory, is blatantly lying to himself and everyone present and to tell lies is something very hateful in my eyes!”

172,6. Simon again says: “Just get up and justify yourself properly. Give the Lord an answer to His holy question!”

172,7. At this, Gabi again stands up and asks us to pardon the fact that he earlier opened his mouth in such a stupid manner in front of the Lord. He says he wishes to answer now if it pleases the Lord.

172,8. I say: “Go ahead and speak! I have not withdrawn My question to you as being no longer valid; on the contrary we are all still waiting for a modest answer from you! Speak up and tell us what you know!”

172,9. Gabi says: “Since the question was put to me about my love for Solomon’s Song of Songs, I shall, despite the fact that I do not understand it, frankly state the reason why I love it, although in the end I shall in all honesty have to admit that I did not have one proper reason, by that I mean a good reason, when I speak of a reason. I believe that something stupid or thoroughly bad can never be seen as a valid reason for any behaviour, because something bad is pure sand which never can serve as a solid foundation on which to build a house, speaking either in spiritual or natural terms. What was therefore the true prime reason for my love of the Song of Songs? Nothing other than a large measure of well-concealed stupidity and vanity which I now acknowledge!

172,10. I wished to be regarded as a wise man well versed in the Scriptures, not only by my colleagues but also by other people in general and I therefore selected a favourite piece from the whole literature which I was convinced that not a single one of all the learned scribes would understand it in the same way that I too did not understand. But I was very crafty and pretended that I was clever, serious and wise.

172,11. When people saw me reading the Song of Songs with a pretence of pleasure in the look on my face, I was often asked if I really understood its intricate mystique. My answer was very short: ‘What fool continuously reads a work he could not possibly understand?! If I were not understand the mysticism of the Song, would I also be fool enough to read it and would the words I read touch my heart if I were not to understand it just like you?!’ They pressed me, they implored me - yes, I was even threatened if I did not at least make my knowledge available to the high-priest. It was, however, to no avail especially as I knew how to make excuses and apologies of all kinds. I could not be persuaded to disclose any of my secrets, which was so much easier to do as I really did not have any.

172,12. Only Simon, as my most intimate friend, was aware, but even then only partially, what was behind my “wisdom of Solomon”. He often challenged me and attempted to prove to me that I was either trying to delude myself or for that matter the whole world with Solomon’s Song of Songs. He often said to me, ‘with your otherwise limited knowledge and experience, do you understand the Song because you have laboriously learned it by heart?!’ I nevertheless tried to make him begin to believe me, by saying to him that I have the greatest preference for those profound, arcane and intricate mysteries as I imagined that something enormously important must lie behind them. Simon finally believed me; but he was greatly mistaken. The fact is that I am myself an opponent of Solomon’s wisdom as it finally caused his conversion to idolatry.

172,13. I did not wish to deceive anyone any more, but I equally did not want to reveal my thoughts unnecessarily to give the impression that I had previously only tried to delude people. My aim, freely acknowledged, was that I would one day become a competent Pharisee, which I regarded as no mean achievement, until three days ago when I gave up this goal completely, because the more crafty and devious a Pharisee is, the greater his reputation within the temple.

172,14. I actually do not wish to think about the whole stupid episode any more and want to let it fade quietly away, but as I was asked by You, My Lord, to speak about it now, I have told the truth and everybody now knows how things were with me and where I now stand. I have been extremely self-centred in this matter and there was very little that could be done to help me. Now, however, I am in perfectly good order again. I recognize the only true light of life in all its forms and I will never again try to deceive anyone.

172,15. But if I have behaved improperly in the Your divine presence, I must first ask You, My Lord and Master, as well as all Your friends, great and small, for forgiveness and I do so from the depths of my heart! My early silence was not intended to harm anyone, but merely served to conceal my old shame a little. This was however unsuccessful because of Your divine all-seeing eye. I have therefore revealed myself as I was and then as I am now. With that I am now completely at the end of my speech and know nothing further to say.”

Main Page The great Gospel of John Volume 4 GGJ04-172 Chapter