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From Hell to Heaven
Chapter 97 - About sensuality and arrogance. Robert instructed to fetch the dramatist.
The hedonist’s philosophy.
1. Say I: “You have advised Me well! This we shall do. If we succeed, they shall live, otherwise let them be cursed! We shall set about it immediately, because until these despicable types are transformed or destroyed, the Earth shall not be able to expect fully-ripe or good fruit.
2. “It is much easier to fight arrogance than this pest! If men have become proud, arrogant and domineering, then let them be given war, want, poverty and sickness, and they shall soon crawl to the cross and are certain to write the humbling behind their ears. But a randy character let’s nothing trouble him! Even when he has gotten through every Venus sickness and in the end can hardly walk or stand up for feebleness, and death grins at him on every side, he is still not troubled, if only he can fondle some buxom whore! When falling asleep, his last thought is of the flesh, and on awakening, the first thought again is of the flesh, and then the entire lazy and sleepy day again is nothing but flesh! And so his mind is flesh, his love and friendship is flesh, and flesh is all in all!
3. “And how immense the arrogance sticking to the flesh, which comes to the fore if someone should disturbingly step into such flesh-donkey’s only blissful world to perhaps give him some friendly warning! Such are a thorn in the eye of the unchaste! Behold, that is their makeup in the world, and in that state they come over here!
4. “Since you know this now, we shall at once make an attempt on the dramatist. The result will teach whether our efforts shall be worth our while.”
5. After which, I ask Robert to go over to the dramatist and courteously summon him over to Me.
6. Robert bows down in friendly respect, saying: “Lord, where You Yourself lend a hand, it must succeed! If only it is possible to get him over? It seems to me it shall be hard work? What about siphoning the twenty-four dancers away from him and off to the other side – towards morning, near their stage? For I seem to notice the patheticus miserabilis and his group sneaking up on the pretty dancers! His mouth is already watering for an appropriate pass, yet he seems short of small talk. Hence it may not be a bad idea to motion the dancers to the said spot?”
7. Say I: “Dear brother, whatever you think right shall be so with Me. Where someone has recognised something as good but fails to act, he sins against his own heart. Hence do what you regard as conducive!”
8. Robert hastens over to the dancers, directing them towards the spot, and they at once comply.
9. The dramatist is furious however, walking up to Robert and saying: “Nothing doing! Have not these been near me for some time, yet no one bothered with them in spite of their silly prattle! But just when I am about to get to know them better, the devil had to ride you over here and snap them up from under my nose! I would have thought those around your Adam, Abraham, Moses and God-knows-what table, assembled like the loveliest lambs should have sufficed you! My Emma-Gundl is among them as well, as also my Mariandl, and the most beautiful Aurora of a Larkfielder. Of course there has been damned little in it for you, – the pseudo-saviour Jesus seeming much more to her than you. Yet you could still stare at her in exasperation, as someone head-over-heels in love with her!
10. “Oh you uniquely ridiculous fool of a Robert Blum! In the world you were a donkey, and here you are an ox! Just like the cattle-company at Christ’s birth! Well, good for you, you will make it yet in your heaven! Do you kingly, Saxionian, bookish Jew think I didn’t hear how you held divine counsel over infinity, and honour to whoever due, or what! The beautiful Aurora had considerable priority in the judging. And you wise God’s oxen and asses had the luck to sun yourselves in her wisdom, like the green-flies in the lovely beam of the glowworm’s arse! Oh, wasn’t that celestially beautiful and worthy of the great Deity?!
11. “And now you would have me over at that apt conference-table, at which exalted decisions are made by that Larkfielder hussy, painted over with incandescent phosphorescence – even a judgement over us men, for being of sufficient beastly stupidity in the world to get involved with such puddle-toadies! Friend, here you can wait a while! Little brother, just turn around half-right and say to your phosphoric company: ‘only bullfinches would get caught this way, no other birds getting caught when glorificated Larkfielders are hunting with the assent of a pseudo-Jesus donkey!’ But send her my greetings when you get back!”
12. Robert, taken aback at such a reception, angrily eyes the dramatist for a time, to indeed unload tenfold onto him. But, getting a hold on himself, he says with measured tone: “Friend, you haven’t listened to what I am to convey to you, condemning me baselessly! Let me talk to you first, and then judge whether I would ask anything untoward of you!”
13. The dramatist cuts him short: “Friend, without having to be a donkey like yourself, my ears nevertheless reach over to your smart conference table, having the odious pleasure of hearing everything decided upon. And so my ears also had the pertness to hear what was decided in your lofty council about those people who unfortunately in the world allowed themselves to enjoy that to which they were dragged so-to-say by their hair, on account of nature’s law.
14. “Oh you silly celestial wisemen fellows! Who created nature, laying iron laws within it with omnipotent hand? Behold, the one and only true Deity! But how can a worm sin, if it does what nature’s instincts urge him to do? To me only those are wise who use nature’s laws to their advantage, living by them! But a donkey is he who places himself above nature’s laws, striving only after supernatural bliss, which exists nowhere outside his most stupid brain. If however I lived by such laws, then where is the God who can judge me for it?”
15. Says Robert, maintaining the measured tone: “Hearken friend, you are upset about the necessary distance of the twenty-four dancers which had engaged your still unclean senses. But moderate yourself and assume a proper understanding, so that you may comprehend whether my errand to you has a good, bad or stupid reason!
16. “You are beating the natural laws drum, giving me to understand that one has to be warped if one does not make these perpetually subservient to one’s lustfulness. But I ask you: friend, what’s your reasoning, when a great many of such ilk, after short lasciviousness, sink into all sorts of physical and spiritual, incurable misery, from which, so-to-say, no God can pull them? Their entire nature becomes stunted, their spirit gradually killed and their soul darkened.
17. “Tell me, would it not have been physically and spiritually better for such people to never have followed such laws of lust so faithfully – since they conjured up a second one from hell over themselves? The second is natural law, like the first. If you are so dedicated to the fulfillment of the first, why not also to the application of the second?
18. “You say: where is the God who could judge me for the keeping of the laws laid into nature? – But I ask: which God has then not instituted the second, repressive law as a consequence of the first, if it is too strictly observed?
19. “God has indeed laid all the laws into nature, but He also gave free man reason and commonsense for fulfilling primary carnal laws moderately and under orderly conditions of marriage. But He set sentinels over transgressing moral bounds that know how to counter such excesses with severe, contrary laws.
20. “If however experience teaches that only the middle road brings true happiness, how can you call those donkeys who live rightly according to God’s order?
21. “What true pleasure have you in actuality enjoyed during the course of your terrestrial and now spiritual life? Upon Earth you lived in constant quarrel and discord with your rightful wife. Your whores often took you down to the last farthing, getting you into burdensome debt. A couple of years before your exit from the natural world, a rabid Italian woman passed you veneral disease to properly stagger you. Five physicians goofed, poked and cut their way over your festering body! Rather than helping you, they made you still worse than you were. For when you were properly itching, you threw gold at them for relief. They would have indeed dragged you along for years, had not the story of Vienna cut off your miserable life-line! Say, how did you like the second natural law, and what’s the happiness you are enjoying over here?”
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