RBLUM-216

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Main Page From Hell to Heaven RBLUM-216 Chapter

From Hell to Heaven


Chapter 216 - Money-hungry beggar monks at the tomb exit.


1. Robert goes ahead and at the tomb entrances stand two monks with collection boxes, asking Robert for a contribution for poor souls of purgatory. Robert says sorry to have none on him, and the monks whisper to each other; “Another dirty world mob!” The dynasts arriving at the exit also are approached and also give nothing, naturally, having nothing to give, and the monks say: “Indeed, with this one has to always apply in writing – for a negative response at that – a couple of years later; don’t we know these only too well! But here come the four strangers. These may be more obliging!’

2. Now I arrive with Paul, Peter and John, being immediately accosted for purgatory soul’s contributions. Paul asks them the location of purgatory, and one monk answers with grave mien: “two hundred miles below Earth, whilst one hundred miles further down is hell with its condemned, who burn there everlastingly, because they never wanted to do anything for the poor souls in purgatory!”

3. Says Paul: “And this makes you happy?” Says the two monks: “Of course we would not help them even if we could. Let these dirty, hard-hearted minxes burn forever! We are not going to say the Lord ’s Prayer for them. Says Paul: “I see you are not very merciful; how would you like being in hell, four hundred miles under the Earth? Would you appreciate such merciless treatment? Would you like to see yourselves boil and roast eternally?” Says one: “But, I beg your pardon your honour, that was a foolish question (N. B. still in thick vernacular) How can one ask where such cannot possibly happen? It is not easy for a monk to get to hell like for ordinary people because just the holy Masses alone which one reads for the poor souls already protect one against it; understand, your honour?”

4. Says Paul, somewhat farcically: “Ah, that’s different of course! Quite right – I had forgotten about the holy Masses! Indeed, these could be good for all kinds of things! Have you two read quite a large number of Masses, and paid ones more than unpaid ones?”

5. Say the two monks: ”That’s another foolish question! Who would read an unpaid Mass in Vienna?? Does not his honour know that the rich have to buy heaven for themselves, only the poor devils being admitted free of charge? Well, your dear honour, let the rich scoundrels pay, if they want to get to heaven; whoever enjoys heaven on Earth deserves hell in the other world. If he wants heaven over there then let him pay as dearly as possible; we priests of God have the right to open or close heaven. Your honour would surely understand that we wouldn’t open heaven to the rich for nothing? Let the dirty scoundrels pay until their eyes run over before being admitted. That’s how we proceed – having the right thereto!

6. Says Paul: “And who actually gave you the right?” Says the monk: “”What a question again! Who should have given it? The Pope – as God’s representative on Earth, and this is his right from God! Surely you will know that much, unless you are an arch heretic?!”

7. Says Paul: “Very well, now we understand one another. But tell me one more thing – whether you know that you no longer find yourselves upon Earth but in the spirit world?” Say the monks laughing: “Seems your honour is going looney! If we were in the spirit world we would be either in heaven or in purgatory or even in hell! But this much your honour would notice that we are now in a church and that’s no world of spirits!”

8. Says Paul: “I now realize that you shall be incurable for a long time yet! Hence we shall leave you as we found you. I am actually Paul – the well known apostle of the Lord; the two behind me are Peter and John, and in their midst, Christ the Lord Himself, Who wanted to help you. But you are still much too blind and shall be healed only by the abyss of outer most darkness, where there is wailing and gnashing of teeth; fare you well! We shall see one another again in a few hundred Earth years!”

9. Paul moves on and, as I come up to them with Peter and John, they ask Me for alms for the poor souls in purgatory. But I give them neither answer nor alms, nor do My companions, whereupon the two monks start condemning us to hell, calling us dirty bastards. Then come all those

10. Viennese in train whom we had won previously, grabbing the two monks to give them a good hiding. But I say to them: “Let them be; they are beaten sufficiently! All their efforts on Earth, as also here, are henceforth in vain. They shall slowly dry like cut grass and be stored for animal fodder in the outermost evening; let us go out now! I yet see a few fruitful gardens, where we must bring in a harvest.


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