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From Hell to Heaven
Chapter 228 - The ‘enormous’ exorcism and the ‘Pained One’s’ tardy help.
1. Continues Joseph: “Now I am on the right track, Oh Lord! Now I understand your holy Word, and You oh Lord are my love of all love! But the parson’s Mass sacrifice is nearing its end what is it going to run into?”
2. Say I: “Dear brother, soon you will see them carrying out a so-called exorcism upon us. We shall however cause them a most curious counter-exorcism and you shall marvel at the things to come up. But be not offended, for it is a basic condition without which we shall achieve little or nothing.”
3. The last monstrance blessing is finished, and we as the purported evil spirits have not fled yet. It infuriates the parsons and their numerous servants begin to cast suspicion upon the foregone high Mass. Some opine that the vessels were handled by unconsecrated hands, making the entire sacrament of no effect before God. Another holds that an adulterous or even a Lutheran woman may have washed the holy garments, deeply desecrating the holy paraphernalia. Another maintains that a further Mass should be read, but with more profound reverence, which is especially pleasing to the most blessed celestial Queen, and he would vouch for such Mass-ending will dispose for the devils’ presence.
4. Another fellow would have it that the ministrant did not beat his breast sufficiently during ‘Mea Culpa’, and that he may have swatted a devilish flea on his stomach, which reduces the effect of Mass. For one should be mindful of the trivial grounds upon which the ill-effect of Mass can hinge, which important hint an old pious Capuchin monk had once given him.
5. One another comically observes: ‘the Gospel pillow-slip may have been inverted during changing, and this leads to loss of Mass effectiveness, because the Glorious Mother places the infant Jesus upon the Gospel cushion after the Mass-book has been transferred there. If the pillow-slip is inverted, she takes the infant away, leaving Mass without effect.
6. One ceremonialist asks whether someone may have tied the stole to the cross with the zingulum upside down? And one of the Capuchin priors says: “if care is lacking during the most holy procedure, then we can ministrant ourselves to death to no avail. Imagine the stole being reversed! It has been known since time immemorial that all the angels who participate invisibly at this most holy procedure turn away their faces, and the most holy mother of God cannot even come to the alter because such recklessness would cause her to re-live all her seven pains.”
7. At this, My dear Joseph begins to feel unwell, whilst Robert and Helena only just avoid roaring with laughter. And emperor Franz steps over to Me, saying: “Lord, I never really used to think much of the parsons, but had I ever heard such stupidities upon Earth then I certainly would have finished what my uncle Joseph had started!”
8. Say I: “All this is nothing yet, and only during the ensuing exorcism of ourselves will you all get to know the ultimate wonders of stupidity, as you cannot, yet imagine the Roman Catholic driving-out of devils; it shall be instructive for you. It is primarily you emperors who have to witness this, because you tolerated such stupidities and even eagerly facilitated them on occasion; watch now, as the notorious exorcism is about to commence!”
9. One Levite now leaves with some assistants, to return with a black book whose both covers are decorated with a skull. The servants have fetched lots of black so-called Requiem and Exequiem vestments and are changing into them, accompanied with Latin mumbling, and presently the entire High Priesthood stands before us in black. A catafalque also is erected, back to front, and a large number of black candles placed in black candle sticks. An immense censer and a black consecration kettle together with a black-bristled blasting rod are there.
10. Now the chief Priest steps forward, mumbling from the book, most reverently held before him, with a continuous stream of Amens from the others, half of the candles are lighted and smoked with the burner, then sprinkled with holy water. The mumbling, smoking and sprinkling is gone through twice more, after which a black rope is laid down, upon which the master celebrant steps upon, ‘crushing the serpent’s head in Mary’s name, after which a black vessel with glowing coals is produced. The fire undergoes three cursings, the rope is thrown in the fire, which is then taken out of the church with the vessel and the burnt rope. A large number of scourges are brought from the sacristy, with everyone taking hold of one. At this point the remaining half of the candles are lit. The scourges are consecrated, smoked, sprinkled and touched, and the chief celebrant declaims: “Hiscumfustibuspercianturomnia!” – i. e. – ‘everything these devils have profaned must now be destroyed with these rods.’ The candle sticks are heaved over, the catafalcum trashed into pieces and the alter cloth shredded, the main celebrant ripping a small tear into his white petticoat. A wild din is started, with everyone of them yelling to curse us virtual devils out of the church. All the pews are hit with the rods, and this procedure not stopped until all the rods are pulped.
11. But after we still stand our ground, not intending to move, the chief sacramentalist summons all the devil-chasers, saying: ‘Hearken, we have tried everything, but our efforts were unfortunately vain; wherefore I opine that we should also pray the great lauretanian litany, and that in front of the image of the pained mother of God. Go fetch it from the secret chamber of Mary’s treasures’ chest and place it before the tabernacle! Light all candles so we can commence the litany! Mary is and remains our protection and last refuge!”
12. Says one from their midst: “Should this not help either, then what shall be done? Because if this comprehensive exorcism, based in the name of the most blessed Virgin has borne no fruit, of what use the dead image of the Pained One, together with the great litany? I am not in favour of it at all. These beings by the way don’t seem like devils to me either, on close observation.” Says the chief celebrant: ‘Devils can also appear in angelic form; hence everything must be tried out. Hasten and bring me the Most Pained One! Amen dicovobis!”
13. When fetched over, the statue appears to be in a state of considerable damage. The ‘seven pains’ are missing, normally represented by seven words plunged into the body. The crown also is missing, together with half the head, and also one hand and the entire dead Saviour, Whom she carries on her lap and there are no further traces of colour or gilding. And whatever is left of the Most Pained one is riddled with worms, the entire statue being hardly worth burning.
14. Seeing the ruined sculpture, he says sullenly: ‘For heaven’s sake, what’s happened to this glorious sculpture of grace: it has the looks of Egypt’s seven periods of desperation. My God and Lord, how could You have allowed this holy image of Your most blessed mother to so deteriorate! What can be done? Is there not another somewhere, for this one has had it.”
15. Says one servant: “Your eminence, in a side-chapel downstairs on display there still is one for public honouring. What if we took ourselves there? Says the grand celebrant: “Nothing doing: it has to be portable, so we can stand it before the tabernacle; take this one away and see to it that you bring me another! Not bad extensive vaults like this with no better preserved, Most Pained ones! Go and search out every corner!”
16. The servants take the ruined statue away again, returning with distressed faces and reporting: that, having searched thoroughly nothing could be found. The chief celebrant reviles the servants indignantly: “That’swhen one has only donkeys for sextons; trotting like oxen and finding nothing, silly stooges! Let someone else go look - something must come up.”
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