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From Hell to Heaven
Chapter 229 - An inspired ‘heretic’ sexton speaks up.
1. Says one Church servant: “Well, just go looking yourself and find more than rubbish! I find it rather stupid that Your Eminence insists on such mother of God, as if there was a difference between Mary and Mary! To the real Mother of God it would make no difference as to which images honour her. I must confess that I never thought much of even the best sculptures.
2. The point about an image is that it can call to memory what is worth in religion, but it is pagan to attribute miraculous power to images, even if the pope himself were to tell me to my face that dead images can work miracles; if live humans cannot work miracles, how much less dead images?
3. To be honest, I prefer a fly to the most beautiful image, for it has life and is a true wonderwork of divine love and wisdom, whereas an image is a work of human stupidity wanting to represent the living God and eternal life through dead images. This I maintain, and your lordship can do with me as you wish! I swear I shall not be on the lookout for an old image again, I shall be no man’s fool again, ever!”
4. They all have a go at this heretic, threatening dreadful punishment, with the grand celebrant saying with dramatic tone: “If this happens with the green wood, what shall be the brushwood like? Whence such heretic must be punished and hauled before the devils for eternal pain and torture! He had profaned The Church’s holy relic, becoming a sinner against the holy spirit, and can expect forgiveness neither here nor in the beyond. Hence let us take him to court and from there to the secret death chamber and then to the devil, fiat!”
5. Here the church servant goes wild, picks up a cane off the ground, threatening the grand celebrant: “Hey! (waving the cane) just let you evil person allow them to touch me, and you shall all get to know me differently, you first rate rouges and scullions, and old time God, Emperor and nation rapists. Are you going to give me death and hell for telling you truth before God and the world?
6. Who do you think you are?Can there be worse devils than you rapacious wolves in sheep’s clothing? You would drive every upright person from the Church as devils, yet are the worst devils yourselves! Chase one another instead, rather than yonder men of honour, who merit being mounted upon the altars as holy ones a thousand times more than your inferior idol images.
7. Is that serving God - to bow one’s knees to sculptured images and on the part of the clergy, to burden the people with all those things of which one believes not one iota? It is yourselves of whom Christ said at the Temple: “You weigh down the poor and the week with unbearable burdens which you yourselves would not touch with one finger. You rattle off long prayers before the windows and orphans, promising them the kingdom of heaven, a kingdom you never believed in, to devour their houses and treasures, but shall receive that much greater condemnation for it. It is you who strain gnats and swallow camels hence that much damnation shall come over you!
8. Your divine service must have forever been abomination before God, for Christ Himself said explicitly: “What ye do for the poor you do for Me’. If however I visited the poor to do them good instead of going to your divine service, you would condemn me! Whose servants are you actually, if you condemn the true divine service, as clearly determined by God Himself! Oh you fools, what is better, doing what he Himself commanded, or to honour Him with the lips when the heart is far from Him? When indeed did you ever serve God, having never yet received his word and ordinances?
9. Had you ever believed on Christ, you would have done as He taught! You were your own idol images, to which Christ provided the dilapidated frame work! Oh you shameful people deceivers, taking yourselves for gods while condemning His word where it does not serve your purposes!
10. Hypocrites, why do you withhold the pure word of God from the believers? You do it for filthy lucre, and for fear that the word of God would open people’s eyes and leave you exposed! For that reason you proscribe it, and because you don’t believe it yourselves! But the word shall nevertheless get out among the people, and these now know of what spirit ye are!
11. Seize me if you dare. Why hesitate? I shall explain it to your eminence: now that I have uncovered your shame and evil before yonder men of honour, your eminence has been overtaken by so called scamps’ fear, not daring anything against a superior in strength and intellect!
12. Behold, Your eminence: Why did you undertake this failed action against yonder men of honour whom you declared devils? I shall be candid and tell you to your face: those decent men of honour who stand there marvelling at our unlimited stupidity you did not ever sincerely regard as devils, since you never believed in a devil.
13. This stupidity did not have your eminence’s desired effect. Those decent men patiently listened it out, making their comments among themselves quietly, making your eminence all but froth at the mouth with fury, trying to be as obnoxious to those honourable men as possible after failing abysmally with your infernal spectacles. The great mumbling Mass having failed miserably, one proceeded to Roman Catholic exorcism, which stands on its own as crown of all mankind’s stupidity, making there with a nauseating impression upon yonder wisest men. But yonder upright men must have engendered the principle of not fleeing even the worst stupidity, holding out to your eminence greatest discomfiture, what more could your eminence do?
14. Your eminence thought to yourself: although exorcism is stupidity’s crown, its mysterious spectacle will impress even the erudite, for boredom is not its weak point, the most boring aspect being the sluggish litany, paired to an old miracle image. It shall make these wise men leave, for death from boredom. But chance said, ‘hey, we can’t stand this age mottled image before the tabernacle named the ‘Roman Catholic detention of God’ by the Protestants long since, therewith delaying the most tedious part of the litany with which to torment these men of honour. How does your eminence feel now, will you shove me into hell as well?!”
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