RBLUM-63

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From Hell to Heaven


Chapter 63 - The guests behold the dancers. Conversations. Heroes of the barricades

*The pages that follow in the original Scriptures were rendered in the Viennese slang or vernacular exactly as they took place, as shall be seen in the Lord’s own explanations later. They have no ‘dictionary’ equivalent and hardly any grammatical structure, and no attempt should be made to translate them into another language – except simply the meanings contained. Hence only a few paragraphs of equivalent slang in English has been attempted, after which the effort is abandoned, as slangs or idioms are hardly understood between regions of the same country, some Northern Germans, for instance, are hardly able to tell whether they are still in the same country when in Swabia (Southern Germany).

1. All of them, having gotten together in the same room, one of them notices the dancers: “Well, even these we don’t mind losing right now! These and our state would go nicely together!” – Says one next to him: “But, say, that’s the stuff! And those lovely footsies! Up’n me soul, if only I wuz well – me soul, I would be sayin’ something to that middle un!”

2. Exhorts him his neighbour: “But, I beg you Franz, be clever now! Don’t you know that we are not in the world now?” – Says the first: “Only too well! But, world or not – beauts they are! One would hav ta hav no feelins to remain indifferent thereta!”

3. Says a third: “But wot if Franz coms inta ‘ell with his non-indifference, ‘ow wad Franz feel abut that?” – Says Franz: “To the devil; ya are and remain a silly donkey! Are we’n heav’n now? Or have yer seen hell, ta say we’r not in it yet?”. Says the addressed: “That I noo, but we would ‘ave ta be damned fuist and then see the infernal fles: and I mantan this ain’t the case with us yet. I sure barn mighty – ya noo why! But that ain’t hell! No damnat’n, no fire! But I mean, if we can’t let go of the damnd dolls when in the spirit warld – then ‘ell is easier ta fetch than in the warld, - am oi wrang?”

4. Says the first: “Yeah, yeah, ya hav ta be right! But I can do me own thinking with me block! It wont make me do nothin’!” – Says the other: “Yeah, yeah, do nothin, do nothin! Da thought alwys come fuist; ofter the thoughts the lusts and afto tham the deeds. Afta which coms ‘ell, afta which ist all ova; get me! Oi mean, died we ‘ave, and are in the spirit warl’! That means being nicely quiet and obedient and not thinkin’, say’n or doin’ nothin’ Blum doesn’t tell us. Then things could still ‘mprove for us!” – Says Franz: “Well, could be right; not as completely stupid as ya looks.”

5. Chimes in a heroine of the barricades: “Look at them twa runny nos’. These wald talk each uthr into or outa ‘ell! Hahahaha! Did they not exceed each uthr in sniffling – yet they now wait ta fuist be damned – as if they hadn been damned lung since! Hahaha! Aint that turning it on!” Says Franz: “You’d be the one ta shut yar stinkin bread-trap, ya chief of all Vienna student hussies. You wait, I’ll dish ya out a couple I front oof ta pearly gates ta Christs kingdom of Heavn that even the most blessen virgin will say ouch! Just look at the roasted crapp! This un would hav’ us in ‘ell one and all! See ta it that ya doon fly straight into it with yar bat’s wings!” Dear reader, this Viennese prattle goes on wherever there are more than one of them re-united. We trust that gives you an idea of the repartees that in future we shall translate only according to substance communicated.

6. Another one joins them, saying in dramatic tones: “Friends, remember where you are! This is not the place for coarsening Viennese humanity tenfold! Think of it, this is serious spirit kingdom where one has to behave respectably and be serious in order not to be instantly damned. Because in this world there is no more divine grace or pardon.” Says the heroine: “Ooh, don’t get too excited, you broad-shouldered, flat-headed ditherer! Would it not be natural if our God has no mercy on such beer-buckets as you?” – Says the dramatist, wide-eyed: “What says this Blocksberg witch? Oh, we shall find a handle for this axe even in the spirit world! Isn’t there a fellow who won’t mind dirtying his hands to wring this uncouth hooker’s neck?” – Says the heroine: “Oh, don’t worry about that. If it comes to the meanest swine over here for neck wringing then there’s no more eligible candidate than you! But I think such work is much too good for you! Who do you think you are, you living beer-bucket? In truth, missing your beerie and your crapsie doll over here in the spirit world! But be consoled, your doll could soon follow you, the dear Lord is then going to be more merciful than now!”

7. Says the dramatist: “Friends, let’s leave this stinking ass alone, as a cow with a filthy tail makes everything around her unclean!” Says the heroine: “Oh, wouldn’t it be a shame if you weren’t cleaner than me – didn’t you rinse yourself plenty with a few thousand buckets of beer all your life! This is surely more than a hundred general confessions with all the Jesuits! Were I a Lord’s aide, I would know how to make you blissful! Look, I’d make the Danube into schooners of beer, sitting you down were it flows into the Black Sea, with the crappy dolly next to you, making you into the most blissful man!”


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