RBLUM-65

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Main Page From Hell to Heaven RBLUM-65 Chapter

From Hell to Heaven


Chapter 65 - The Viennese and the unruly Bohemian. The heroine turns to Jellinek, who refers her to the Lord.


1. Upon returning among those with whom she previously wrangled, the above mentioned Franz says to here: “Well, you twisted Luxumburgian acacia dolly, how did you go with the broad-shouldered coniferous fire-hero? Did you tell him off, Vienna style?” – Says the heroine: “Well, he will have understood! He still thinks he is ‘his highness’! Well, they shall roast him a different sausage! But I sure told him! Had you heard how Mr. Blum told him off, you would have gone nuts! I don’t wish anyone any harm, not even this flathead, but when he says so many haughty things, head over heels, then I gloat to see the good Lord trim his wings a little! Serves him right!” – Says Franz: “Well, dolly, now I like you better again – we are quits again! But I tell you also, that if you get stuck into me like that again, then take off! But all’s well for now, do you get me?” (P.S. the reader will have noticed that we discontinued trying to translate Viennese slang, which is of the broadest and most uncouth variety, ie. as at the late 1880’s, and with these underprivileged revolutionaries.)

2. Says the heroine: “No, no, we are no Bohemians who are cross with each other for seven years. The Viennese, when acting as if to devour one another, turn around and are the best of friends again! – But there is a snag with the Bohemians – I once roughened one up. This one would have still torn me up three years later if he could have gotten a hold of me!” – Says Franz: “Lassy, not so loud, you don’t know who is listening! Don’t you know the Bohemians have the longest fingers and longest ear-lobes, which is why they always were the best snoopers and police informers!”

3. In response to these words a solid, heavy-cheeked figure rises (a Bohemian), taking a deep breath, addressing mainly Franz: “Listen, cursed fellow! Who has got the long ears and fingers? Just say it and wait! I might be a spirit, but will tell you who has long ears! Understand me, cursed fella!” – Says the heroine: “Ooh no, Franz, we’ll have to see how we can get out of this one. Name the wolf and it comes running. This would be one to last you for your life – gets angry, and I believe would kill you! – Says the Bohemian: “Shut your gob, or I’ll smack you a good one! Or do you think Bohemians are fools? They are good people and you are a whore! Do you understand me, big-mouth?” – Says the heroine: “My dear Viennese, this is a one! If we weren’t in such a respectable house, I’d get this one banned even if it costs me my mother’s life. But here nothing can be done! Let’s take off before a row starts!”

4. The heroine with several Viennese quickly take off to Jellinek and Myself, and she at once gets into Jellinek: “No, no, Mister Doctor, I nearly didn’t recognise you! God’s greetings! How are you, and what are you doing here?”

5. Says Jellinek: “Look, I’m very well, and better than ever I was in the world! But my most fervent desire is that you all would fare equally well, then you shall not be quarrelling amongst yourselves as now. You must put this off altogether, otherwise you shall hardly ever fare better. Learn from us how to be patient with our brethren’s weaknesses, then you will immediately understand one another better, which shall bear you golden fruit! But if you constantly chide and threaten one another with blows, then it shall be a long while before that Christian-celestial love tarries among you, which alone give rise to the true bliss of all spirits.

6. “Let go of your foolish quarrelling and soften your hearts, then you shall easily be helped soon, otherwise you shall have to suffer for a long time yet, and if you received help it shall be meted out to you as frugally as is your mutual love and friendship! Consider that we are all equal before God! None of us has any advantage other than the most meekness and the mightiest love in his heart for God, and for all his brethren! Have you understood me well?”

7. Says the heroine: “Oh, indeed so, but our Viennese traps cannot be quiet when they sense a breeze! Some miraculous cure would be handy. Is this not possible in the kingdom of spirits? You know, our hearts were not exactly bad, just our nozzles!”

8. Says Jellinek: “Well now, we shall see what can be done, but you shall also yourselves have to strive towards bridling your tongue! Ask this man at my side, he is capable of much! If he helps you then you shall truly be helped!”

9. Says the heroine: “Mr. Jellinek, say, does the gentleman understand our Viennese? A nice face he sure has, and he looks good-natured! I would dare to address him, but if only he speaks Viennese!”

10. Says Jellinek: “Oh, does he ever! This one understands and speaks every imaginable language. Verily I tell you that he accurately understands the language of the heart, and, so-to-say, reads from the nose anything someone thinks ever so secretly. Just try, and you will find that I am right.”

11. Says the heroine: “Oi; what are you saying!? If he can do that then he would have to be somewhat related to our dear God? That would be a funny talk if he knows in advance everything one wants to tell him?! But I’ll tackle him, may he say what he will. But tell me his name, and that’s all I’ll need.”

12. Says Jellinek: “Here you touch my most vulnerable spot. I sense and suspect that he is a great and mighty spirit, sent to us to counsel us and show us the right way to God; that is all I can tell you. But his name and what place he occupies before God I know as little as you do! But one thing is certain, that here only he can help, because he has the power to do so.”

13. Says the heroine: “Oh, ooh, now a bit of a light is kindled within me! You know, Mr. Jellinek, I mean, this could easily be one of those apostles? Maybe even Peter or Paul? What do you say, am I right?”

14. Says Jellinek: “My dear one, it could easily be so; hence turn directly to him and you shall soon know where you stand with him. But to me, he seems somewhat too self-assured for a Peter or Paul! I suspect him to be someone more significant. Maybe some kind of archangel? But speak to him yourself, that will clear you up soonest!”


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