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From Hell to Heaven
Chapter 66 - The heroine turns to the Lord for help. The Saviour’s counsel: confess your problems openly! Story of a fallen one.
1. Following this counsel, the heroine looks at Me for a while, moving up to Me, saying: “Forgive me, my very best lord, if I bother you with a question: “See, Mr. Jellinek advised me, saying that you are quite almighty, and able to help in whatever is needed. Look, most esteemed lord! I suffer substantial lack of everything, and a lot of help would be needed! Be so good and help me, and us Viennese, if it is possible to you! See, in the world we grew up like good beasts, and have come over here as beasts, and sick wherever you look, and we are stupid into the bargain, like thirty-year religious war. Be so good and make us a trifle better and cleverer than we are now – and we all shall then be better behaved!”
2. Say I: “Sure, sure, I can help you indeed, and you first! But you must first openly confess what in particular is wrong with you. If you are sick then you have to tell Me where, how and by what means you contracted the sickness. And if you believe yourself stupid, you must faithfully indicate what actually seems stupid about you. I shall then see how you and your countrymen can be helped. Hence think conscientiously about all your conditions and then tell Me how you found yourself so! I will then do the rest!”
3. Says the heroine: “Oh boy! There will be a mighty snag to that! This would take donkeys’ ages, if I were to tell you all! Look, I once attended such a confession; well listen, you cannot imagine what that confessor asked! Even the worst rabble would be shamed red right down to the toes. And look, if I had to now tell you everything that I did in my life – oh boy, you would be surprised! It would be alright if there were not so many people here, but before so many people I would have to shame my eyes out! Listen, this would be some fun!! – Are you not able to recognise my needs? Be so good and try your luck with me, perhaps it can be done without embarrassment?”
4. Say I: “But hearken, My dear, how comes it that you were not ashamed while you were sinning? You were then usually in company as well, and were little ashamed when in nocturnal hours a dozen youths, before whom you were fully undressed, making all sorts of seductive gestures, stared, touched and did other things to you! Why should you be so shy now? I am aware of once, when you had a few drinks too many, you behaved so swinishly that even the most depraved debauchers were shocked! And I know many other of you showpieces which you carried out, as a true heroine, without the least sense of modesty. And so it should not affect your honour too much over here if you openly tell Me where you are troubled and how you got into want and misery through your erring steps.”
5. Says the heroine, taken aback: “No, you would the right one! You know how to catch people out! You could bring one into disrepute to last one a lifetime! See, if you didn’t seem so good-natured my soul could become harsh with you! But seeing from your kind face that you don’t mean me ill, I shall not take it too harshly. To be honest, it is only in front of you that I am embarrassed. Concerning this Viennese rabble, it doesn’t bother me all that much! But if you let me speak somewhat more softly then I could come up with some real bits.”
6. Say I: “That you can do. Only do not conceal anything, understand?”
7. Says the heroine, clearing her throat a little: “Well then, in God’s name, if it has to be so, then listen to me good-naturedly! Behold, at the age of fourteen, on Whit Sunday, I lost my virginity, and if my memory serves me right, it was with a certain Tony Pratenhuber. This boy was a real gem! And since he badgered me so, I thought to myself: ‘you can’t remain a virgin forever, and some day you will have to try it out.’ And so I let him do it to me! And since it tasted so good, and to him to, we tried it out more often. And I would not have become so bad if only I could have become pregnant! But would as I could, nothing came of it! And look, that is when Tony should have married me. But thinking I was barren, he left me standing, taking himself another! And I became desperate, thinking: ‘doesn’t make no more difference – couple of lovers more or less! Hell is certain for you, if there be one!’ And so I started to live quite merrily, to the limit I could cram in! A father I never saw, whilst my mother, God bless her, was no better than I! And look, with such living I became infected often, and others after me. And some homoeopath helped me, for which however I then had to enter his service, and you can well imagine that he did not pray the rosary with me then!
8. “When later things broke out in Vienna, the doctor got busy helping the revolution. And since I was a gutsy girl, I let myself be used to make revolution, thereby finding my death. Now I am here as a poor soul and have to suffer because I was too merry on Earth! – And now I’ve told you everything I know. And so you know where you stand with me, what’s wrong with me and how I got it. And so I beg you in Jesus’ name to help me if you can!”
9. Say I: “Well, I am pleased with your sincerity and shall see whether, and how you can be helped. But just as sincerely as you told me your main sins, I have to tell you that only your good heart and your unblameworthyness for your bad upbringing save you from hell! If your heart were just a trifle worse, or your upbringing less blameworthy, then you would already find yourself in hell and there suffer the most terrifying torments! For it is written: ‘whorers and adulterers shall not enter the kingdom of God!’. For this reason I shall not take your case so strictly, and see how you can be helped! But tell Me first what you think of Jesus, the Saviour?”
10. Says the heroine: “Oh, Him I like beyond measure! Because, did He not save the adulteress; and He did not condemn Magdalene in spite of her great sinfulness. Nor the Samaritans give Him the horrors! And so I think that if He saw me and I begged Him nicely, He would not annihilate me?”
11. Say I: “Good then, My dear, I shall speak to Him in secret, for He is not very far from here. Perhaps He will do with you as with Magdalene? Just wait here a little – quietly!”
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